Asking God to carry me today!

Asking God to Carry Me Today!

It has been a few days before this day hit me like a TON of bricks!!!  Today, I LOST MY WAY!!! 

I woke up today thinking all would be okay as soon as I got up and going.  So, I decided to try and make my day a little easier and run errands early this morning while Rusty was here with the kids to save me some time during the day.  I feel like all the kids get to do some days is run around while I try to get all the day to day stuff done.  They are starting to really DISLIKE the grocery store and bank so I had a GREAT idea....

I could get up and go to the grocery and ATM while Rusty got ready.  He had a meeting today so I needed to be back by 8:00 so he could leave.  So off I went with my bad attitude and somebody owes me something thought in my head.  I'm here to tell you, if you wake up that way... GO BACK TO BED!  I was DONE!!!  My patience was gone and I COULD NOT find my "happy place".  So I was doing today for MYSELF, making it easier on ME!!!!

I get to the grocery store and that ATM doesn't work.  I grab a few groceries and decided to try the ATM "right up the street".  OR that is what EVERYONE told me.  I went "RIGHT UP THE STREET" and NO ATM!  So I asked around and kept getting different stories about where the "Bank" was.  They call it a "bank" here not ATM...FYI!!! That took a few people to figure out.   It had been about 30 minutes and I had a few groceries and NO money and ABSOLUTELY NO idea where I was.  Can we say scared?

I reached into my backpack to find my way back only to see that my phone is NOT in my backpack.  I seriously almost LOST it and I mean RAGING FIT lost it.  No prayers today......I am controlling this one and finding my way back...BY MYSELF!!!

So I go to the ONLY street that I know like the back of my hand which is Union Street.  Only NOW I have to find it.  I walk up and down just looking for something that looks familiar to me.  A restaurant, a street sign, the name of a street, and then I see a place called.... The Justice Mill.... I now know exactly where I am.  I am on Union Street but at least a 20 minute walk from the hotel.  Of all the places I could have recognized to find my way.  That was God giving me a WAKE UP WINK!

Even though I refused to look up today.  Even though I refused to pray when I lost my way. Even though I fought every part of me that said JUST ASK GOD!  HE still gave me a wink to help me find my way.  It is so hard to let go and let God take over.  I am the WORST at it.  I am here to tell you that if you would just DO IT..... HE will take care of you and guide your path.  I prayed and cried the whole way back to the hotel.  Poor Rusty!  When I got back he was a mess.  He was so worried.  He went looking all over the streets to find me. The taxi was waiting on him and he had to go, and NO WAY was I letting me hug me or it would have turned into a VERY UGLY CRY!

I walked in and the kids both yelled..."Daddy is looking for you!!!"  I told them he found me and then locked myself in the bathroom.  I HAD to get a hold of myself...It was 9:00 and NO WAY could I start the day like this.  I could NOT breathe!!  I started praying for God to help me, give me strength, calm me down, just HELP!  My mind just raced with every negative thought that had entered my mind since I heard Rusty say, Well, Guess What???

Now I have tried to keep most of these to myself, but you must know I AM HUMAN!!  The thoughts that keep coming up....What makes you think you can do this?  How in the world will you ever find friends like you have in Texas?  How can you make a life here when you can't even find your way around?  What makes you think you can conquer this fear you have of driving?  How can you take your kids away from all of their family and friends?  What makes you think Scotland can teach you something?  What makes you think God is strong enough to pull you through?  And those are just a FEW of the better ones that I can share!!

 Those thoughts were WINNING today and I could not break it.  I dropped to my knees and LOST IT!  I let it ALL go!  I haven't cried that hard in a VERY long time.  I think I needed it though.  My strength was GONE!!!  I had nothing left....I can't do this on my own!!!  I don't want to do this on my own... I told God....It is all yours!!!  I'm Done! Use Me!  Break Me!  Mold Me!  But please LOVE ME!!!  Even when I fall!!!  I can't do this day by myself!!  I will stay right here locked in the bathroom all day long crying and be just FINE, but I have two little ones out there who need me so Today My Precious Lord, I'm Asking YOU to Carry Me through this one!!!

I could hear the kids laughing at the TV show they were watching so I told them I was going to take a shower and then we could go to the gym for their class.  We were going to be late, but that will NOT be anything new for me. :)  The tears DID NOT stop at all today!!!  Natalie even grabbed toilet paper from the bathroom to take with us because she said it would wipe away the tears when they fell.  My precious angel!!!  I tried to make them stop, but I couldn't.  I put on my hat hoping that would help me hide my eyes today when I ran into people who tried to make eye contact with me. 

Now as we loaded up for the gym, I kept praying and thinking how I could turn this hurt around.  I asked the kids what they wanted to do today and they both yelled SWIM!!  So I ran back upstairs to grab their suits hoping the pool would be open for them today.  Maybe in a pool tears won't be so noticeable. 

We got to the gym and I dropped off the kids and sweet Jack was there and asked if everything was okay.  I said yes just a rough morning.  Both of the kiddos went into their classes and gave me the biggest hugs ever.  I headed straight for the treadmill and just started to run.  As I ran three songs keep playing over and over... Stronger by Mandisa , Your Grace Is Enough by Chris Tomlin, and Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crows.  If you haven't heard these songs you NEED to.  It will make you feel like God is right there giving you the biggest hug you can find. 

Now the hits didn't stop there.  We had a few come our way.  Earlier this week, I FRIED my hair with the straightening iron...so new lesson there... DON'T MESS WITH UK ELECTRICITY!  We also found out the house will be yet ANOTHER week before it is ready because of cleaning and furniture issues.  I just kept getting to points where I just couldn't see the God Winks or Good Points anywhere!!  .

It was when I heard Natalie say, "Mom, Are you going to be okay?"  And THAT was when I WOKE up!!!  No more...TIME TO BUCK UP!!!  I told her, "Yes I am because I have two of the most amazing Cheerleaders in the world!!!"  She smiled and said, "Let's go to TGIFridays to eat.  You said that made you feel like you were back at home." 

Now THAT was exactly what we did.  So we ran a few errands and then headed to TGIFridays for dinner.  I still had to fight back tears, swallow that frog in my throat, and look up instead of down, but I was fighting back!  As the negative thoughts would enter my heart,  I would get a facebook message or a text from Texas.  If you don't think that your words matter, THEY DO TO ME!!! The words of encouragement, the songs to lift us up, the little notes that make us smile, and then my ten year old niece who checks on us through the day.  It was YOU who turned my day around! 

Thank you ALL for helping me FIND MY WAY BACK!

It took a few verses to make it through today and I only got ONE picture!

How I LOVE how God works.  This was the picture at our table at TGIFridays.  I say it is Kelly coming over to Scotland to rescue me!  LOL!  And, I think it is that we must find the superhero in us to fight back when our world falls apart.  So, I got my cape on and I am ready for tomorrow!  :)

So as you doubt or find that this day is just too hard for you to take on yourself, picture superman and remember these verses.

1 Corinthians 15: 58  As a result of all this, my loved brothers and sisters, you must stand firm, unshakable, exceling in the work of the Lord as always, because you know that your labor isn't going to be for nothing in the Lord.

Psalm 138:7  Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies anYour right hand will save me!

Romans 8:28  And we know that all things work together for the good to those who are called according to His purpose.

And my favorite!!!

Ephesians 6:11  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 

Ephesians 6:13-17  Therefore pick up the full armor of God so that you can stand your ground on the evil day after you have done everythnig possible to stand.  So stand with the belt of truth around your waist, justice as your breastplate, and put shoes on your feet so that you are ready to spread the good news of peace.  Above all, carry the shield of faith so that you can extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is God's word.