Keeping the Faith after a loss

Keeping the Faith After A Loss


This past week was one of the hardest weeks since I have lived in Aberdeen.  I heard from so many people who live over seas that the hardest thing is when you can't be there for your family when you loose someone.  I knew this day would come, but I didn't know how hard it would actually be for all of us.


When I got the phone call about my sweet Elsie, I lost it.  She has been sick for a long time and suffering from Alzheimer's for even longer.  When I went to visit her in October and over Christmas it was heartbreaking to see her so fragile.  I prayed with her, fed her, and just longed for the Elsie that she once was. 

When Kera called on Tuesday to tell me about Elsie, it broke me.  I kept thinking I should have been there, I should have visited her more, I should have been there to hold her hand, why does it have to be now when I am so far away, what if I can't get there to say goodbye, what about my family, I need to hug my dad, and on and on... 

After talking to Kera and Scooter, I knew one thing... I am going home.  With kids, without kids, I HAD to make it home.  My first call was to Rusty, who was in Norway at the time.  I had my speech all prepared about how I know it cost a lot of money, I know we just got back, I know the kids don't need to miss any more school, I know you aren't suppose to be back for two more days.  But all of that preparation in my mind was not needed.  I said a prayer before he said hello, and after I told him about Elsie, his only words were... "I'm getting on the next plane and we will figure it out." 

He was home that night at 7:00 and I was on my journey home at 7:30 the same night.  With no plan on where I would stay or really how I would get there, I knew that with Rusty planning the trip and me praying with all of my heart, I would make it home. 

And after a two hour train ride, three planes with not a single delay and then a precious friend that God gave me a long time ago.  I made it home.  Along the way, I prayed a lot, had many heart broken moments, and lots of tears.  I finally decided to get out my computer and begin to put it all out on paper.  I began to write about Elsie and all that she meant to me.  Scriptures came to me, words poured out onto my computer, and within an hour I had a speech together that helped show how much I adored my precious Grandmother. 

I wrote...

My heart is so heavy and I hope I can make it through this so I can express my love for my sweet grandmother.  I cannot explain the heaviness of my heart so I have a verse that has helped.

Psalm 119:28
My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to your WORD.

 It is only through God’s word that I have made it through the last six months and over the past few months many scriptures,  memories, and stories have entered my mind and I just couldn’t figure out why.  I would write them down or tuck them away until I got to my computer and just wait and see what they were trying to teach me.

Now I know... it was preparing me for this day.  Each story that came to my mind would put me back into my childhood at Elsie’s house.  Believe me when I tell you to NEVER underestimate what you learned as a child.  Elsie changed my perspective on life a long time ago, and now she gets to show me her view from heaven. 

Elsie was a walking angel.  She was a true woman of faith who loved her neighbors and did unto others as we would have them do unto us. One thing she taught me was that life is all about loving each other and having great friends and  taking care of each other.  She was lucky enough to have her friends as her neighbors and I REALLY need to work on that one.  Ms. Edna and Ms. Claudine were always a part of our day if we were at Elsie’s house.  We would walk down to see Edna and her amazing rock collection, or over to Claudine’s house so Kera could fix her VCR while we ate some yummy dessert.  I have such a sense of peace knowing that Elise is now reunited with all of her precious friends and they will all take such good care of each other.  We could not make it in this world without our friends.

 Elsie was also such a loving grandmother to me and Kera.  I know Rusty really wants to blame mom and dad for my being rotten, but I tell him all the time….Elsie was way worse.  I see a lot of people here today who were also elsie’s kiddos so you can blame her for your rottenness too.  I promise she won’t mind.  And I promise you that she loved each and every one of you as if you were her own.  Those days that we spent at Elsie’s house were some of the most amazing memories that I have.

 Let me just tell you what a day with Elise would look like.

We would take long walks around her block and notice all of the flowers around.  I will always love honeysuckles because of Elsie.  We would stop and look at every piece of grass that we thought might be a flower because she wanted us to figure it out on our own.  I don’t know what it is about grandparents but they never seem to be in a hurry when grand kids are around.

 Elsie also had a love for soap operas. So I can thank her for all of my drama downloads that I do each week so I can keep up with what is going on.  We would always have to find another place to play when her soap opera would come on TV.  We even got to sit and watch if we would sit still and be really quiet.  She did keep a fly swatter around just in case she needed to threaten us but we knew she would never use it.   

Elsie always always had chocolate.  It was Hershey bars for me and Mr. Goodbars for Kera.  Elsie always thought you should eat your dessert first before your meal so you could really enjoy your sweets.  It is the little things in life that will keep us going.  I truly think chocolate makes everyone happy.  Oh how I will miss her Hershey bar cakes.  She would make cakes of all kinds and pies that would melt in your mouth.  Elsie made pies anytime she felt someone needed a little pick me up.

 

I truly believe God has a sense of humor with His Message,so I must share this verse with you.   

It is Nehemiah 8:10

Then He said to them. “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord.  Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

There is so much joy in sharing a dessert with a loved one.

Elsie would also make us lunch on Sunday mornings after church where we could always count on a pie being there.    It was so exciting to see what she made for each person at the table because she knew it was her favorite.  It was so nice to sit around a table and enjoy a meal that she made sure was hot before we put it into our mouth.

Elsie also thought if it was Sunny outside then outside is where we should be.  I used to wonder how she always knew when we would go to the part of the woods that she told us NOT to go in because of snakes.  She always seemed to appear as soon as we took our first step.  Now as a mom I know… she never took her eyes off of us.

 Elsie also LOVED to know what was going on.  It was interesting to hear what she heard on the scanner each time we went by so we could check and see what happened throughout the night.  She kept up with everyone and checked in on the ones she didn’t hear from.  We made many visits to the nursing home as her friends began to move in there to make sure they were having a good week and take them goodies.  She always shared what she heard on the scanner to them too.  It made me smile with every story she told. 

Elsie gave all that she had ALL the time!  I used to be afraid of death but now I know it is just God  calling some of His angels home.  And as He calls each of us home, He leaves us all with a sense of peace. I know Elsie has such peace right now as she enters into her new body and mind.  When Elsie started to show signs of Alzheimer's we began to see a small piece of her drift away over time.  It was heartbreaking to watch and I am so grateful that now all of the hurt and suffering is over.  As she enters into heaven she will be able to watch us all form above.

The scripture reads in John 14:27, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be trouble neither let it be afraid. 

I will spend every day listening to God’s voice and the pull of my heart because I know that will bring me even closer to Elsie and to God.

Psalm 27:1 says it best

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength in my life of whom shall I be afraid? 

When you met Elsie, there was NO doubt that Jesus lived in her heart.  She had a light inside of her that made you want more.  I never really could explain why I would rather be at Elsie’s house over anywhere else, but I know now more than ever.  Knowing Elsie brought me closer to God.  She was an example of how to love unconditionally and with all of your heart.  If you don’t know the love of Christ, I pray that one day you will.  It is a warmth and comfort that Elsie showed me throughout my life.  That love lives in my heart now because of her and many of our church family here today. 

The verse that makes me think of Elsie is Philippians 4:9

The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.  

I feel with each angel God calls home the love in my heart just keeps getting stronger.  To feel the strength of Christ within you can help you make it through anything.

As the verse says in Colossians 3:15

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.

 Elsie, you have taken care of me once again.   You put more love and strength in my heart.  I love you so much and can’t wait until the day that we will see each other again.

 

As I read those words during Elsie's funeral a sense of peace came over me. Even though I know I can't see her in person, or hug her when I go home, or look into her precious eyes.  I can feel her strength and I know that she can hear me now when I talk to her.

 I still have moments where sadness takes over and tears run down my face.  But knowing that Elsie is in God's arms now gives me such comfort and peace.  

I may be an entire ocean away, but I know one thing for sure.... my heart is still in Daingerfield Texas and it is because of constant prayer that I can make it until the next time we see each other again.